The following was written back in May of 2010 for a course in Medical Anthropology. I was honored by the professors request/suggestion to use my own personal transformations as a topic of research.
The Locus of Well-being
This research project was an attempt to use a biographical approach to get at some questions that hopefully lead to some potential answers revolving around dramatic change that I have experienced in life. Is there a universal state of human nature, if so how does it relate to wellbeing, and how does the nature of reality figure into this relationship? “In Buddhism, ignorance as the root cause of suffering refers to a fundamental misperception of the true nature of the self and all phenomena.” This profound summary of the human condition provided by the 14th Dalai Lama, speaks from the place of wisdom and insight that transcends this deeply primal and multi-layered question of humanity. I have found some clarity through this internal search, but I have found many more questions than answers within this state of clarity. How does an individual that resides within a diseased culture, change their schema to foster a state of wellbeing? The answer to this question might be imbedded within the previous question.
Method Used:
The technique of introspective discovery was not new to me but that did not make this an easy process, by any means. Over the years I have given this topic considerable attention and time, but my perspective has been fine-tuned during the past year of studying at the university. Becoming more aware of the anthropological approach has significantly refocused my lens of interpretation. This change in perspective has helped me to consider the sociocultural environment that these radical life changing events took place within. During the course of this project I also revisited some of the key writings from the field of psychology and the wisdom traditions (religions) that were instrumental in supporting these personal changes that I experienced. It was very difficult to not only narrow down the experiences and texts to the most influential, but to not leave out any subtle yet critical details of the greater story that I attempted to share. I have made omissions, some unconsciously and some due to the space and time allotted, but some were made consciously due to their questionable inappropriateness and sensitive nature.
Interviewing the Mind and Its Memories
At a very early age I remember thinking that the world was very confusing and seamed to be operating within the wrong set of rules. There seemed to be an underlying denial within society, of the collective insanity that was so obvious to me, even as small child. I was experiencing the natural insight that reveals the universal wisdom, available to all of humanity, before my thinking became so strongly conditioned. It did not take long before I too believed that to be a strong individual I needed to hide my insecurities and deny their existence. Being raised in this highly materialistic culture that is driven by overconsuming, the gnawing of the belief that things should be much different never went away, no matter what I did. Through outdoor pursuits in the natural world I found personal peace and temporary refuge from the insanity of the “civilized world.” At a young age I also discovered the ways of the self-medication ritual that is a cornerstone of the perpetuation of the group psychosis. Through the use of nature and drugs I learned how to retreat from the overwhelming pain that I felt from the brutality of the reality that life presented. In my heart I knew that neither running to the wild nor burying my head in the bottle or the bong would make this reality of suffering go away. So I went along with the craziness the best that I could. I constructed a strong identity, participated in healthy distractions, self-medicated in the social environment, and joined the club of denial that did not ask any real questions about life, at least not too loudly. On the surface I had bought into being normal but secretly I knew that this meant ascribing to the group psychosis.
What is Functional Within Dysfunction?
Let us examine what exactly I have considered to “being normal.” After multiple failed attempts to go the standard route and attend college, I followed my heart to the outdoors. As I have mentioned, I found temporary refuge in the wild and being raised in an outdoor recreation rich area like Southern Oregon, this was a logical choice. Being taught how to alpine ski at the age of three made becoming a ski instructor and ski patroller a natural decision. My experience running the Rogue River as a teenager made becoming a white water river-guide an easy choice and completed my seasonal work calendar in a semi-legitimate manner. I became highly trained and educated in the disciplines of experiential teaching, guiding, rescuing, and eventually owning and operating an adventure guide service and later a technical rescue school.
I was blessed by not being over-educated, in the institutional sense, but gained skills that allowed me to operate in an environment rich with learning opportunities. Nature had become my teacher and my subconscious started to absorb the effortless intelligence and deep sense of wisdom that was nature’s structure and maintaining force. I had found a mirror in nature that reflected my natural state of being. So I had found my place and at least the insane lifestyle that I was calling life was enjoyable and never short on excitement. The act of risking my life and the lives of those that had entrusted their safety to me, all in the name of recreation and pleasure seeking, was nothing shy of insane. In the realm of healthy distractions, these risk laden outdoor activities seemed to have been a way of channeling the underlying insecurity that plagues much of humanity. The very belief that these outdoor pursuits were healthy was a form of mental illness rooted in the conditioned thinking of insecurity. Although my experience with the great teacher of nature was a change from the mainstream insanity, it represented what is known as a conversion process that merely changed the content of the beliefs that I was conditioned through. In the psychological frame of reference this is not a change but merely a horizontal shift.
The Problem Within Education – Education is The Problem
The structure of the institution of education that I have experienced in my life could be viewed as a root cause of the insecure conditioned thinking that has manifested into so many different forms of mental illness. An observation that I have made in my life in regards to teaching and learning is that “one cannot give another something that one does not first have within oneself,” I believe this is true for any teacher-student relationship. When this observation is applied to the educational system here in this culture the failure of the system is equally if not more on the shoulders of those that are responsible for constructing, maintaining, and providing the system itself. It is the very belief in the absolute power of intellectual knowledge that is maintaining the societal mental illness and the diseases that are manifested as a result of this disturbed state of being. The misperception of the self and all phenomena that the 14th Dali Lama was speaking of comes from the environment that is created by the mixture of the cultural institutions of individualism, materialism, and higher education. I can say from my own life’s experience that the darkest times came when I was identified with being an individual that was isolated by the things that I surrounded myself with and was caught up in analytical thinking. When I am identified with my mind and do not see it as a tool that I can observe and thus must not be my true identity, I get caught up in the thoughts that the mind is creating. The saying that the only problem in the world is one of consciousness could be rephrased to say – “The only problem in the world is not realizing that we are creating the problems that we experience in life through our very thinking.” When our thoughts become reality, instead of an interpretation of reality, the problems begin. Through our dependence on the analytical mind we have become educated fools that lack the wisdom of knowing who we really are and the world we inhabit.
What are The Most Important Parts of The Whole?
Trying to locate the linchpin of one’s perspective is a little like trying to establish what single brick within a brick-wall is holding the wall up against gravity. My introduction to Buddhist thinking in my early twenties could be viewed as seeds that were planted within my subconscious mind and when the time was right grew very fast and rooted deeply into my soul. I can pinpoint two pivotal times in my life when I consciously had a radical shift in paradigm. By identifying these two events, by no means am I belittling the life experience that not only led up to them but also created the very foundation for these shifts to take place. The first was a disabling injury to my left wrist that rendered my left numb inoperative for several months. If you have never loss the use of one of your opposable thumbs, I highly recommend it! Like many aspects of life that are taken for granted on a daily basis, the use of the opposable thumb may be one of the most significant. But this simple appreciation for the uniqueness of the human body was merely a byproduct of the real lesson learned. I had a bone graft surgery that resulted in the placement of two metal pins in my left wrist and thumb region. These two little metal pins turned out to be the most influential form of external stimuli that I have experienced to date. Yes, the pins were in my body but they were not in my being. This simple phrase speaks volumes of what I experienced physically, mentally, and spiritually through the pain that I suffered as a result of these pins. The pins were holding the newly grafted piece of bone in place. The problem was that the other ends of the pins were lodged into the meaty part of my palm at the base of the thumb. This meaty part is muscle, which gets contracted with tension due to a stress response. Having this type of surgery is definitely a stress and when I depended on the use of my hands for my subsistence, the stress became very personal. These pins became a form of biofeedback that was telling me that the pain that I was feeling was being created by the very thoughts of my mind. The content of my thoughts were insecure and fearful which created a stress response within my body that was exacerbated exponentially due to the pins being lodged into the muscle. It literally felt as if someone had a metal stake that they had driven into my hand and was moving it back and forth. The not so funny joke was that my mind was the one in this metaphor that was responsible for the suffering that I was experiencing. “Pain is natural, but suffering is a choice,” this profound statement rang through my head like a victory song of a newly liberated oppressed. This experience, with the help of some very revolutionary writings, introduced me to the reality that the mind can be observed and thus must not be the seat of the soul. This enlightening experience with suffering brought life to the concept that the true identity of being human is not the mind, it is beyond the mind and thus beyond the mind’s capacity for true understanding.
The second pivotal event that reshaped my schema happened a few years after the first and took place on the yoga mat. Several months prior to this event my girlfriend at the time introduced me to Bikram yoga. This is a 90-minute practice that takes place in a room where the temperature is around 105 degrees Fahrenheit. To say that this yoga practice is a mental challenge is quite an understatement. The opportunity for personal growth and holistic healing that this extreme practice provides should not be taken lightly. Without going into too many incriminating details of my life at this point in time, I will say that I was faced with a difficult decision. This difficult decision that I was facing was boiled down to this – The money or your heart, which one is more important? Well, one day while I was practicing this Bikram yoga something inside of me changed. My perspective on what was important seemed to have made a 180-degree turn around. The insecure thinking that was keeping me attached to the illusion of security through financial means, simply melted away with the sweat that was pouring out of my body. The choice to go with my heart and transcend the insecure ideology that feeds the motivation to amass wealth within the system of capitalism was in its own right one of the most profound experiences of my life. I had made significant progress in healing an illness of insecurity that was manifesting in the form of being addicted to emotions, drugs, and money and the things it affords. This internal change happened in a moment’s time. I physically felt the burden of maintaining the illusion of security being dropped by my mind. I had realized that true security is revealed when the denial of insecurity is no longer held within the mind.
Analysis of Project:
The Source of Our Freedom or Bondage – It is Our Choice
The concept that – we are not our minds, does not sit well with the mind that exists in and is identified with the material world. “What do you mean I am not my mind? If I am not my mind than who is my mind, or more importantly, who am I?” These questions represent the tricky and clever nature of the mind. I think a useful analogy with this mind-bending concept is comparing the mind to other aspects of our being, like one’s leg for example. To evaluate or observe the health of my leg, I would not expect for my leg to tell me how it is doing. I am not my leg but my leg is a part of my body, which is a part of my being. A similar logic can be applied to the mind. If I am identified with my mind it is very difficult to evaluate my mental health or the state of my mind’s functioning. I am not my mind but my mind is a part of my greater being. This is where the materialist has a very hard time getting past this deeply personal challenge. When we do not realize we are creating our thoughts through the use of the mind and thinking is a voluntary function of the mind, we are misidentified with our true selves, our true being. It is this type of awareness that leads to the state of a higher consciousness and total wellbeing that the Buddha referred to as being awake. It could be said that the Buddha was referring to a vertical shift in consciousness, which results in a change of the psychological frame of reference. When we live our lives unconscious to the fact that it is our thoughts that create what we are perceiving as the only reality, we are living in a state of fundamental ignorance that leads us to suffering, illness, and disease. We do not need to do anything but be still and realize who we really are, to be in a state of total wellbeing. By being still, I am referring to actively stilling the mind through meditative practice. The mind treats us as we treat our minds; if we do not calm the mind we are unable to embody the natural state of peace that resides within us.
This is a fundamental area where our educational system is failing us. There is no education of the nature of the mind, the importance of our relationship to it, or the thoughts that are created by the mind. At the most fundamental level our educational system is teaching us to be misidentified with the mind. This failing system is so caught up in the details of the content of the curricula it cannot see the errors of its way. The most primal rule of “knowing thy self” is fatally being forgotten. The analytical mind that thrives on solving complex and complicated problems does not accept life to be this simple. But as Lao Tzu once said, “The way is simple, but the crooked path is more popular.”
This project was an attempt to deal with one of the most fundamental questions within humanity. The introspective search revealed that a general state of insecurity might be at the root of our problems, which is commonly referred to as the human condition. This blanket of insecurity that has enveloped humanity is causing the misperception of the self and all phenomena that in turn leads to illness and disease. The seed of all illness is rooted in the mind and the state of the mind is where wellness is found. The human genetic code that is found within the molecule known as DNA is likened to a set of blueprint plans used for building a structure. This analogy only works if we include the mind as the Boss that is responsible for overseeing the project. When the mind is conscious of its role with constructing the body and the beliefs that mediate the body’s experience within life, wellness is the result and the natural state of being. But when the mind is asleep on the job, does not show up for work, or blames others for the mistakes that have been made under its supervision, a state of illness is created and disease is constructed. This project of digging within myself and my mind, has brought me closer to the realization that true wellbeing is not something that we need to learn how to achieve, but rather is a state that resides with each of us and we simply need to unlearn how not to be within this state of natural being. What is the nature of reality and how does it relate to wellbeing? When my mind is calm and I am still in a meditative state, this question is transcended by the very act of being. The state of wellbeing, our natural state, is beyond the mind and the words and concepts that it has created.
